Thursday morning

Good morning all, well I am back into google but half of the stuff like line organisation and fonts have just disappeared. Better, I was HTML instead of compose. Yesterday was a total washout I spent most of the day curled up in bed with the headache to beat all headaches.  I filled myself with paracetamol to meet the solicitor at 2pm and was very well pleased with service offered by the coop. Yes it will cost me but they do everything - the guy came with his own scanner so he didnt need to take original documents he also came with dog biscuits in his bag.  [tip for sales men always carry dog biscuits it impresses dog owners]  He actually had a dog and wife  is a district nurse so we had plenty in common and if you are going to be fleeced of lots of money it is nice to do so with someone you think is a nice person. The last solicitor I saw gave me the impression that he really couldn't be bothered so guess what he has lost the business.  Anyway, I only have one thing to do and that is let the insurance company who hold the buildings insurance know of Mikes death as they have been known to avoid claims for just that reason.  I had better hope I don't set fire to the house just yet!!!! Had he not mentioned it I would never have thought it necessary.  We tried to make our wills as simple as possible but even that was not good enough.  Anyway no good crying over spilled milk but now that I am better acquainted with the mess that results from a death I am going to rewrite my will so as to cut out as much mess as I can.  Take care who you name as executor as you will be leaving them a can of worms.

I feel marginally better after a good night's sleep but then again you generally do feel better in the mornings anyway.  James is going to drive me over to Shiona's as I don't really feel competent to drive through the horror that is Maidstone town centre.  It is a mission of mercy to deliver a panettone in time for the festivities.  I will fill myself with paracetamol and brace myself for the outside world. It is a strange illness as I feel better one day then down again the next so I am swinging around like a yoyo.  I had a chat with Angela who was not surprised that I had crashed after all that has happened. Still at least I am not alone the boys are keeping me fed and watered and are bullying me to do what is right.

The menu today will be if you can find it you can eat it!!!! and it is every man for himself as James and I will be out for lunch and Denzil will be working this evening.  I usually leave him something on a plate that he can microwave back to life when he gets in around 11pm.  

Now here is something weird when I wake in the night I stumble about in the dark heading for the loo or hunting down some tissues - I suddenly realised I can put the light on and not disturb anyone.  One tiny little freedom which I have only just realised!!!!

Come the new year I need to make a plan of a daily routine as all this free wheeling is not making me happy I need  bit of structure and no one is going to impose it except me.  I really need to get to grips with exactly what it is that I want out of life at the moment I have no idea.  There are just too many things so I need a priority list which factors in the housework shopping and cooking.  I feel I could use the services of a life coach as this is the first time in my life that I can actually make choices with only myself in mind.  Not easy after 68 years of not having that freedom and always being on call for others.  Anyway it will give me something to think about.  I think I need to avoid colossal changes but perhaps just a few adjustment until I get used to this new form of life.

As you know I had a bit of ding dong with my sisters in law however I spoke to David on the phone and put my point across.  I have heard nothing since so I guess that puts things into perspective.  If I was told I had hurt someones feeling I would be the first one on the phone to try and mend fences.  However, as I have heard not a word I can only assume that there are no fences to mend and all the comments about being a member of a loving family is just hypocrisy.  Sad but that is life and it is not as if I didn't already know in my heart of hearts that this was the case.

Ok enough dribbling on for this morning time to get myself organised to go to Shiona's and wake James up as he is the chauffeur for the trip.

Have a good day as I believe this is the quiet before the storm which is on its way....... 
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